Nelly Bly Investigations
ELECTION 2024: Take Your Marks ...
Yes, we are now entering Burbank election season and this year’s contests promise to be more insane than ever. Before we dive into all that, the staff of Burbank Voice has a message of hard truths for some of our newer followers. Those ones in Instagram than are, shall we say, more right leaning than most of the Burbank population.
We know you like Burbank Voice because we target the LiBrTArD politicians you can’t stand. But you are missing something very important in all this. Burbank Voice exists to speak truth to power and do the investigations and analysis that no one else in our city will do. The fact is, our dear MAGAs, you have no power in Burbank at this time. If you were ever to get any power, the lens of the Burbank Voice would focus on you just as intently. But all your social media whining and Public Comment temper tantrums don’t mean a thing to this City Council. We write about the establishment and you are just a vocal and pouty minority looking in from the outside.
Could that change? Maybe, though you are severely outnumbered in the voter registration numbers not only by Democrats but also the no party voters. And the newest crop of City Council candidates (who we will get to in a moment) have already shown that they are not going to swing the Council to the right. Not even the ones that you are publicly and enthusiastically supporting, no matter how much you support them. Cause if they promise that, they will lose this election. This is why Zizette Mullins threw you all under the bus in 2022 (remember?). Your block just doesn’t have the votes, especially when ballot harvesting is thrown into the mix.
So, you are all welcome to come along on this ride which is the absurdity of Burbank 2024. And if you decide to do your whining in the comments of our posts, we won’t remove it. But it is clear we need to tell you we are not on your side.
ANYWAY ...
So who is running for City Council?
We have several categories of candidates to choose from:
- Can you tell them apart?
Meet Eddy and Robbie. Two older white men who want you to know that they really support DEI, sustainability, and all those things the young-uns care about.
One likes to use the word “inclusion” and the other likes to use “equitable”. One says he is a “champion of diversity and inclusion”. The other says he will achieve “equitable, reasonable, and sustainable results”.
One says small businesses should expect support and encouragement from City staff. The other says he is all for supporting small businesses.
One is going to listen to all voices and work towards a brighter future. The other will provide a clear vision and strong leadership.
We could go on. But you get it – both are using the buzzwords they think you want to hear and making vaguely positive statements to tell us absolutely nothing about what they will actually do if elected.
Now that the Laura Friedman bloc on Council is going to lose one seat due to Schultz being in the Assembly runoff, the Old Burbank gang has some hope of taking back a voting majority on Council. Who has stepped up to rally the Tequila’s customers? We have a realtor and a former Assistant City Manager.
Both grew up in Burbank, both have spent their lives in Burbank and both are well known by the long time Burbank residents they hope will support them. Rizzotti has been part of the Burbank Police Foundation and the Board of St. Joseph’s; Wilke’s father was Mayor of Burbank. Wilke seems to be using the same campaign template as other candidates and is running on a platform of “inclusivity, open conversation, and teamwork”. Rizzotti says in regard to City Services he wants to bring back Burbank on Parade.
The Burbank MAGAs have been enthusiastically vocal about supporting these two candidates as a ticket. We will see how far to the right they are willing to lean in order to keep those voters at the risk of losing the “New Burbank” voters to Eddy/Robbie or even to …
- The DSA Duo
Yes, Mayor Spanky is running for reelection. Are you ready for more chaos, false promises and irresponsible statements? As his campaign progresses, you can be sure that Burbank Voice will be comparing the 2024 Anthony to the 2020 Anthony and what he promised back then, what wasn’t done, and what he is saying now. Even if you got rid of your old website, Konstantine, you know that nothing on the internet is ever truly deleted.
But Burbank’s Socialist in Chief now has a sidekick. Mike Van Gorder is running and presents himself as a housing advocate. He certainly has a more impressive resume than the former Mayor – he has a Masters from UCLA and works for the State of California as a housing policy analyst. And he has been a DSA (Democratic Socialists of America) member since 2017 and proudly announced that he qualified for the DSA endorsement for City Council. Listed under his endorsements is none other than Mrs. Mayor Spanky
Anthony created an identity as a socialist in 2020 by telling everyone over and over that he is a socialist. It appears that Van Gorder is planning on doing the same. You can expect the Rizzotti/Wilke crowd will have a field day parsing this all out.
Well, we can clearly see who the far right will support and who the far left will support. What about the middle ground?
- So … who are you?
You won’t find it with this next candidate. Hovannes Tonoyan’s website proclaims, “Transform Burbank Together”. Once you start clicking through, you find he has signed up on seven different platforms to take donations.
But wait there’s more
Why the emphasis on secret donations?
You can also, among other things, donate 10% of your “monthly compensated work time” – but maybe don’t tell your boss.
And this guy is on almost every social media platform imaginable
Except Threads and Reddit – really, get with it.
You know what you don’t find on his website? Anything about what he wants to do, his policies, his politics, his priorities – the guy is a blank slate.
Oh wait – he issued a press release with a bio that was published by My Burbank. Great, but why not put that information on your website?
“The only Millennial candidate at age 28, Tonoyan eyes transforming Burbank into the next mecca of entrepreneurship and innovation, leveraging the momentum of local grassroots interest groups and private-public partnerships throughout the community.”
Don’t know how old Van Gorder is but Tonoyan might want to tweak that boast about being the only millennial.
“Tonoyan aims to put this experience to work solving real problems for Burbank by elevating the discussions and mission of the City Council.”
It would be nice to know something, anything about what this guy stands for. He has all these social media accounts that have no content. His website is basically a plea for money. It will be interesting to see his initial campaign finance filing to see where he got his money and where it went since he emphasizes the ability to do secret donations.
what about busd?
You mean the Swamps of Sadness? The Florin/Guilder Fire Swamp? Knockturn Alley?
Remember, the School Board quickly and quietly pushed through redistricting before City Council even put it on their agenda. Now you vote for School Board by district. So far, only District 5, aka the Hill District, has any announced candidates.
There are two known candidates – long time incumbent Armond Aghakhanian who is promoting his “25 years of experience”. So his campaign is basically:
He has one challenger, Annie Markarian, who already has MAGA supporters so this is making people wonder about what her positions are on such things as DEI and LBGTQ+ students. We don’t know yet; she is another one of the candidates who sent out a press release then disappeared.
Your Aunt Nelly plays pickleball with some Hill people and can tell you that the Hill district will lean red which it has done traditionally. The incumbent could have good reason to worry about how much voter support he will have in that district. Well, he has already been endorsed by Friedman, Schultz et al so we can assume that their {cough-money for ballot harvesting-cough} support will get him through the election.
What about the other two incumbents?
The theme for those two is: Who Knows?
One has filed to run:
But her social media is strangely quiet and still no campaign website, which is the opposite of her early and vigorous campaigning in 2020. Maybe she is waiting to see if someone else is running in her district? Who Knows?
And Mr. Ferguson?
Nothing yet, though it is interesting that he has his old committee for an ancient run for City Council still up and running. He also has been MIA from the past few Board meetings
